


The Hobbit Kink Meme Fills

by Pyrrti



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: BoFA, Crack, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 14:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyrrti/pseuds/Pyrrti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ch. 1: Thorin/Bilbo, misfire fill<br/>Ch. 2: Thorin/Bilbo, accidental proposal<br/>Ch. 3: accidental proposal continued<br/>Ch. 4: Ori names his weapon<br/>Ch. 5: Jigglypuff!Bilbo can sing people to sleep (no crack)<br/>Ch. 6: Ori is comforted while dying.<br/>Ch. 7: Minifill in Finnish + Google translation<br/>Ch. 8: MInifill, insulting Hobbits has consequences<br/>Ch. 9: Minifill, Bifur is the only one that survives</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thorin/Bilbo, misfire fill

**Author's Note:**

> For this misfire: Oh look, I believe you've gone and made my face all wet :')
> 
> link to prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5821.html?thread=12979389#t12979389

There was a king kneeling before him. A dwarven king to be exact. The hall was suddenly very silent. Bilbo wasn’t sure what he should do. He looked around him. Everyone was watching them. He looked back to the dwarf in front of him. Thorin raised his hand towards him.

“Would you honor me by becoming my One and Only?” he asked and offered a single bead to Bilbo. 

Bilbo stared at Thorin with wide glassy eyes. He reached for the bead and started to blink rapidly. 

“Of course I will,” he answered with a watery smile. Cheers erupted around the two of them. 

“Oh look, I believe you’ve gone and made my face all wet.”


	2. Accidents happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For this prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5346.html?thread=10862818#t13432034

They had set up camp on the base of the cliff on which the eagles had dropped them. The campfire had been kindled and Bombur was cooking something on it. Gandalf had gone to check the surroundings. The Company was spread around the fire. They had made themselves comfortable and chattering and singing filled the camp. Only one who looked miserable was the Company’s burglar. 

“Why such a long face, Bilbo?” Thorin inquired.

“Well, you see, I managed to lose my pipe and weed in that short battle against the orcs,” Bilbo responded. “And I fancy a smoke right now. But it’s nothing to worry about. I will make a new one as soon as I find suitable ingredients for it.”

“You should have said something for I can give you my spare,” Thorin said while rummaging his coat. From there he drew a pipe made of wood and bone and a little bag of pipe weed. He offered them to the suddenly flustered hobbit. 

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept,” Bilbo stammered.

“Why wouldn’t you accept? It is a perfectly acceptable pipe and the weed is very fine.” Thorin looked at him confusedly. Others had gone quiet and were watching the two with interest.

“Don’t you think you’re going little too fast?” Bilbo asked while turning even redder. “I mean we don’t really know each other and you haven’t even shown any interest in me before.” Bilbo floundered slightly. Suddenly he got contemplative look on his face. He looked searchingly at the very confused Thorin and then nodded determinedly.

“Alright then. I’ll accept on one condition,” he said. “There will be no funny business before the ceremony.” Bilbo took the pipe and the weed and moved farther away from the camp to smoke in peace leaving the dwarves very confused. Thorin especially seemed frozen on his place. Gandalf came back to the camp and looked at the quiet dwarves.

“What has happened to make you look so puzzled?” he asked eyes twinkling.   
“Well,” Ori said hesitantly, “our burglar had lost his pipe and Thorin offered him his. Master Baggins became very flustered for some reason and almost refused it but seemed to change his mind after thinking for a moment. Then he said something about a ceremony, I think.” 

“Is that true?” Gandalf looked amused. “In that case I think congratulations are in order. It’s not every day a hobbit is proposed.”


	3. Accidents happen 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidents happen continued. Apologing in advance.

When Bilbo returned to the camp it was in utter chaos. Half of the dwarves were shouting and flailing around Gandalf and the other half was laughing so hard that they had fallen on the ground and couldn’t get up. Only two of them were sitting still. Balin was quietly sipping tea that he had made and Thorin… 

Well. 

He reminded Bilbo of a fish on dry land. What could have shocked Thorin that much? Puzzled Bilbo approached him. The other dwarves didn’t take any notice of Bilbo. Bilbo then proceeded to wave his hand in front of Thorin’s face. No reaction.

“Oh dear,” Bilbo said. “Gandalf, I think there is something wrong with Thorin. He isn’t responding.” As he spoke, dwarves’ attention slowly shifted on him. Fíli and Kíli moved next to him.

“You see, Uncle Bilbo,” Fíli said, “Uncle Thorin here is little surprised by your acceptance.”  
“Exactly,” Kíli said. “He’s very shocked that there will be no funny business accepted before the wedding.”

“Of course funny business is not allowed! It isn’t proper!” Bilbo’s eyes flickered to Thorin’s. “Are you having second thoughts already because of this?” He looked horrified. Thorin seemed to wake from his stupor by that and stood up rather shakily.

“I assure you that I will take this to the end for those of Durin’s line always keep their promises however they are made!” he proclaimed loudly. 

Then he swayed and fainted.


	4. Name of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For this promt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5821.html?thread=13697981#t13697981
> 
> Ori names his weapon

”I have decided!”

Dori looks up from his tea. He frowns at his youngest brother.

“You have decided what exactly?” he asks. Ori beams at him.

“I have a name for my weapon!” Ori almost jumps up and down from excitement. Dori raises his eyebrows for the younger dwarf’s enthusiasm. Ori raises his slingshot in front of him.

“Behold the mighty weapon that felled the Pale Orc and its followers!” he bellows. “It shall be now remembered as the Tickle!”


	5. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For this prompt:  
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5821.html?thread=13983677#t13983677
> 
> Bilbo can sing people to sleep.

It was chaos.

Armies of Dwarves, Men, Elves and Orcs blended together, and battle cries and sounds of clashing metal filled the air. Bodies were spread all around the field. Blood colored the ground with red and black.

In the middle of all was Bilbo. He was scared and frantic. He had lost sight of his Company’s members. He couldn’t distinguish one shouting voice from other. Taller forms of other fighters covered the forms of dwarves easily. Bilbo searched around the field while dodging blows and stabbing those orcs who dared to step on his way. 

Then he saw the Pale Orc. Bilbo started to make his way towards the orc because if Azog was standing there, Thorin wouldn’t be far from the orc’s location.

And there he was. 

Thorin stood before the Pale Orc a sword in his hand and a shield in other. He proceeded to attack. The fight began. No one interfered as if the chance to this fight had been arranged beforehand. Azog’s mace rose and struck. Thorin didn’t manage to evade it. It hit to his chest with full power.

Bilbo saw Thorin fall.

Emotion that the sight raised within him pushed Bilbo to do something he hadn’t dared t do since his departure from Bag End.

He sang.

\--

Thorin knew this was the end when the orc’s mace reached its mark. His back hit the ground. Numbly he watched Azog stride towards him and raise his other hand, the hand with a blade. It started to descend. 

Suddenly, just before the blade touched his neck, everything seemed to freeze. Thorin was confused and tried to see what was happening. He removed the blade from his throat and was met with no resistance.

Then he heard it.

A soothing song spread through the battle field. Every single person on the field had stopped fighting to listen to it. Thorin started to feel weary. Something was trying to drag him down to the world of dreams but he resisted. He heard something drop next to him. When he turned to look, he saw the Pale Orc lying on the ground unconscious. Thorin heard heavy thumps around him and saw how all fighters fell down seemingly asleep.

Just before unconsciousness claimed Thorin, he saw a small form of the hobbit standing in the middle of fallen bodies and singing a gentle lullaby in the ray of sunlight. 

He dreamed of home. 

\--

Bilbo was the only one who saw the arrival of the Great Eagles. He paid them no attention as they picked up the sleeping orcs and wargs and took them away. 

Instead he sat on silent vigil next to the peacefully sleeping dwarf king and waited for his awakening.


	6. Hush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For this prompt:
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/6263.html?thread=15695735#t15695735

_Oh._

 

_So this is how it feels._

 

Ori blinks slowly. He can feel his blood spreading beneath him.

 

The world has become very silent, as if time has come to halt.

 

 

He feels so cold.

 

Ori knows he probably should be more scared.

 

He notices movement nearby and turns his head towards it.

 

_Bifur?_

 

Other dwarf sinks to his knees beside him and gathers Ori to his lap. Bifur starts to stroke Ori’s hair.

 

 

Ori can see that Bifur is saying something. He can’t hear his voice but he can feel it resonate in Bifur’s chest.

 

He tries to ask where his brothers are but he can’t draw enough air for it. He starts to panic but is calmed down by fingers combing through his hair.

 

Everything is starting to get blurry. Ori doesn’t feel cold anymore.

 

_I really wanted to…_

 

Last thing he sees are the eagles flying over him and Bifur.


	7. Minifill in Finnish + Google Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For prompt that wanted a fill in fillers native language
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16198834#t16198834

"Sinä varas ja petturi!" Thorin raivosi. "Kehtaatkin seistä edessäni annettuasi Arkkikiven vihollisillemme!"

Hän tarttui Bilbon takinliepeisiin ja nosti hänet ilmaan. Bilbo pyristeli nopeasti irti hänen otteestaan.

"Kuulehan, Thorin Tammikilpi," Bilbo sanoi kiivastuneesti. "Jos sinä luulet, että annan sinun aloittaa turhan sodan, joka vaarantaisi teidän kaikkien henget, olet pahasti väärässä."

Hän katsoi vihaisesti ympärilleen.

"En selviytynyt peikoista, hiisistä, örkeistä ja Synkmetsän hämähäkeistä vain kuollakseni täällä muutaman kultahipun takia."

Kääpiöt Bilbon ympärillä katsoivat hobittia yllättyneinä, sillä koskaan ennen ei Bilbo ollut kiivastunut noin kovasti. Thorin astui eteenpäin ja oli juuri sanomassa jotakin takaisin, kun Bilbo tarttui päättäväisesti hänen käteensä ja alkoi vetää häntä takaisin vuoren sisään.

"Nyt me menemme syömään lounasta, jonka jälkeen viemme tämän neuvottelun rauhallisesti ilman sodanjulistuksia loppuun" Bilbo vilkaisi terävästi paikallaolijoihin. "Onko selvä?"

\--  
Translation by Google

"You're a thief and a traitor!" Thor raged. "You dare to stand in front of you entered the Arkenstone our enemies!"

He grabbed Bilbo takinliepeisiin and lifted him into the air. Bilbo quickly struggled out of his grasp.

"You know, Thorin Oakenshield," Bilbo said vehemently. "If you think that I'll let you start a futile war that would endanger the spirits of all of you, you are sadly mistaken."

He looked angrily around.

"I survived the goblins, hiisistä, orcs and the Mirkwood spiders just dying here because of a few golden nugget."

Dwarves Bilbo's hobbit looked around in surprise, as never before Bilbo was very much about His wrath. Thor stepped forward and was just about to say something back, when Bilbo grabbed firmly in her hand and started to pull him back to the mountain.

"Now we're going to eat lunch, after which we will take this conference calmly without a declaration of war to the end," Bilbo glanced sharply in the online. "Is that clear?"


	8. Legendary Messenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/10731.html?thread=21685739#t21685739
> 
> The Dwarves are given a message about their treatment of the Hobbit.

When the tree shepherd from ancient Dwarven legends had appeared in front of them and gathered the halfling to its (his? hers?) arms and greeted him as kin, Thorin Oakenshield realised they had made a grave mistake in their treatment of the Hobbit. While the others of the Company (excluding Balin and Oín for they also knew what the creature was) were loudly trying to get the shepherd to give the Hobbit back, most important points of the legends rose from his memories. The tree shepherds (what were they called again? Ents?) held no love for Dwarves and protected their forests fiercely from anyone who dared to try to harm them. Many of the legends had also stated that, though the Ents were slow in their temper, if angered they could easily rip down mountains.

 

 

The most important point was that they were the Children of Yavanna, Queen of Earth, Lady of Forests and Plants. Known to Dwarves as dearly loved Wife of Mahal. And appearantly the Vala was also Mother of the Hobbits.

 

 

We are going to die, Thorin thought hopelessly.He then flinched in surprise (and fear) when a deep and slow voice, that resonated with creaks of the trees and rumbling of the earth, addressed him.

 

 

"Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thráin, son of Thrór," it said with speed of gently flowing creek. "I am known as Fangorn and I have come to give you a message from Lady Kementári."

 

 

Thorin rised his eyes from the ground. He first catched the sight of the halfling who sat on the shepherd´s shoulder contentlyand was looking at the dwarves curiously. Thorin reluctantly moved his eyes towards the Ent´s face and eyes. Fangorn stared back at the Dwarf and hummed a low tune.

 

 

"This is the message I am to relay to you and your companions," he finally continued after a moment. "´You have insulted and tormented my Child. No more! Consider the next thirteen nights and days your first and last warning.´ This is the end of the message." The Ent let out a harsh hum and reached for the Hobbit. He lifted Bilbo from his shoulder setting him gently back on the ground. "Farewell to you, my young and little cousin. May our paths cross again." 

 

 

With that the shepherd slowly turned around and started his journey back. On that moment Thorin finally gathered himself.

 

 

"What will happen on those days and nights, Shepherd?" he loudly (and nervously but that he would never admit) asked. But no answer came forth except for a loud groundshaking laugh. 

 

 

At the very moment that the Ent disappeared from sight all the dwarves felt quite suddenly the weight of their weapons and armors triple.

 

 


	9. Minifill (Character death)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill to this prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/13429.html?thread=24329845#t24606837

Bifur needed to find someone. Or a safe place.

The bundle he was carrying had stopped moving some time ago (long before he had lifted the dwarfling to his arms) but he couldn’t remember when. He strode through the field with long gait (or as long as he could as a dwarf), stepping over the bodies of many. There were others, too. Men and elves and dwarves but Bifur didn’t (couldn’t) pay attention to them. Nothing could stop him from reaching his goal.

Not the fallen king and the fallen heirs that lay bruised and still (oh how wrong it seemed, that stillness) on the ground. Not the red star whose body was missing (this time he couldn’t run) or the honest guard cut to half (nothing left to guard now). Not the cunning advisor (no words could have saved him) or the old doctor (Bifur could use a doctor right now) or the strong silvery one (this time that strength had failed him) who had all fallen fighting together. Not the tiny little hobbit (clever burglar) who couldn’t be found at all (Bifur had stumbled on the air and he just knew) or the fierce one (flame of his fiery heart now extinguished). Not even his cousin whose hat was all Bifur could see (he would never have left his hat) nor his gentle cousin who loved to eat (almost like a hobbit, he was).

He was just one dwarf. He would return for them.

After the dwarfling was safe.


End file.
